I killed my love today
It took enough time trying to strangulate its neck until I
managed to suffocate it with your
favourite pillow
The one with ornamental flowers,dont worry I put it back where it was.
Honey,you should have known..of all this
Because suspiciously enough I wore my affection to you
like a glove from the very beginning
So I leave no fingerprints
Some kind of hint when you find the dead corpse of our love
in your bed the next morning
It was the final step after ages of y e a r n i n g for something else
Because in the moment where I committed murder to all the things we had
I asked myself where the music was coming from that I suddenly heard
Let me explain..It was a song of whispers and words you once left me with.
Blisters on my tongue (from all the wounds that Ive licked clean)provided me with the bitter aftertaste it takes to start the rage and make it rise inside your lungs when you see
your love sitting there in its chair,careless and unaffected of all the battlegrounds we have wasted for our debates
All the guitars and violins and pianos played until they broke apart for our songs of love and hate.
We left back a trail of destruction only for its creation.
I saw our love and it smiled at me so innocently.
As if it would breathe pure sugar day and night.
That's when I felt I wanted to take its life.
I wanted to smash its bones and make my porcelain wrists become stonemade fists that would fall upon its skull
like asteroid showers tearing craters into the surface at night.
Instead I only made it to press the pillow down harder.
And see the last signs of fighting back becoming more distant,coming from somewhere much farther
no longer resistant as it used to be
barely squeezed out of its almost lifeless figure as it stretched out each little finger and screamed out for its father and mother.
The two that we have once been,when we still spent days watching it grow.Forming angelsilhouettes into the snow of our garden
and how it said pardon so sweet and soft when it caused confusion in our life once in a while.
our love used to be the infusion needle that I was connected to day and night.
So here I am.And see its decaying body on the sheets of our bed.
I know its texture quite well by now so I can tell
how
its skin colour starts to fade,is slowly becoming a shade of blue like
the one on winterpostcards when the landscape shivers
as it waits for life to renew.
But the blood in our love wont,it doesnt own enough
bloodcells anymore
now that they are lying scattered all over the floor.
I still have some sticking on the soles of my feet.And I think I need to take a shower,cover the red stains on my face with some powder and
find a garbage can for your favourite pillow,with the now rotten flowers before I leave your house again.
Here I sit and I've lit,some candles I found
respect for the dead (I could burry the body,if the ground was not so frozen)
or something like it
and stare at the white curve stretched out infront of me,
see how it will never breathe again,push air through its distorted throat.
Dream a little dream for me.Was the song that we sang back then.The song that came into my head when I thought of the last words that will never be said because,here I am..
A pile of regrets trying to write you a letter.Something you could read before you find the shattered skeletton of our love.Something to make you feel a little better,maybe I'll add a free ticket for the cinema
to give you some distraction.
Here I am,the creator of this slaughter.
Who asked the neighbours daughter at what time you usually
come back home,what music you listen to,when you are alone.Because
I cannot keep track of all the melodies played anymore.
I should place this piece of paper infront of your door.And you would bow down to pick it up
Id hide somewhere behind the stairs
just to see it once again,because I love the way your body shapes itself every time it moves,how it can become a single metamorphosis.
Give me just a last dosis of it.And I could leave forever.
after I wring out the
sleeves of my shirt still soaking wet from all the encounter with my eyes they had because I found your picture
on the cupboard next to the bed
and I looked at it while my tears streamed down your face
(sweet how you steal even those from me.But I stole something too honey,the warmth of our loves body)
I followed their trails for a while
Felt like a child watching raindrops race on windows of a driving car.
I wanted to open up the window and throw it as far as I could,your black and white photograph,because you never needed colors to make your appearance clearer.Never even needed to get out of your frame,to feel nearer to me.
But you know I would never do this.I would never miss loosing myself in your illusion
it kills me on so much softer ways
than the fusion of your flesh and bones
Five minutes until love was dead.Sent its last breath into space.
I thought Id let you know that it didnt happen in slow
motion
Like you made me die,a million times.
Press rewind to see again how such a sweet butterfly like you
can break me into bits
and every time it moves its wings
beautiful songs leaves its lips
to overplay the sound it creates when its fists
hit your face.


Nova